In my last post, I talked about my history of depression and anxiety. In this post, I will share more about the foods I was raised on with the thought that these foods were healthy choices, and how in truth, these foods can contribute to depression, anxiety, and PMS.
A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with a good friend of mine about this book she turned me on to called Nourishing Traditions by Sally Fallon. It's a cookbook, but SO much more. It's really quite amazing how this book and one other called Traditional Foods Are Your Best Medicine by Ronald F. Schmid, N.D. have completely transformed the way I think about food. What began as a desperate attempt to save my sanity, and my relationship with my husband and children, has now turned into baby steps toward a healthier way of thinking about food, making meals and eating. A total paradigm shift is in the works here, and I am amazed at the changes I have seen take place in me during only a few short weeks. In order to better see the big picture, let me tell you a little bit about myself.
I have been dieting and eating primarily lowfat, nonfat, sugar free, convenience foods for most of my life. I was raised on lowfat, sugar free foods (along with fresh fruits and vegetables) because, at the time, that was considered a healthy way of eating. All of my adult life I have shopped with one primary goal in mind: Always purchase the lowfat, fat free, reduced sugar, low sodium, diet version of whatever product I'm buying if possible. I thought that was the healthier choice. Although my weight has been relatively stable, I have also always felt like I was overweight and needed to work out more, eat less calories and fat and just plain be in better shape.
As I discussed in my previous post, I have struggled with mild to moderate depression and anxiety, and severe PMS for as long as I can remember. I took Lexapro for anxiety for about 6 months and noticed moderate improvement. However, the side effects were not fun so it just wasn't worth it to me. I was willing to live with my anxiety in order to not be subject to the side effects of the drug. So, the years went by. I gave birth to 3 beautiful daughters. I became less able to handle my depression and anxiety on my own through exercise and diet and the walls started to close in on me. It happened gradually. My darling husband and I went from being great communicators and loving partners to simply coexisting as roommates most of the time. My erratic behavior, non-existent sex drive, mood swings, intense PMS symptoms and a menstrual cycle that would last a short 20 days took its toll on us. My husband began to close himself off to me emotionally. He still tried, but our communication was strained and I could feel myself disconnecting bit by bit.
Sounds pretty dismal doesn't it? Honestly, I didn't think it was bad at all until nearly 14 years had gone by and I saw myself in pictures, at least the few pictures I could find with me in them. My smile always looked tired, ragged and strained.
Then, a day came when I decided that I had to do something. Life was short and right then, I didn't feel any passion toward my husband, my kids were driving me crazy, and I didn't know what else to do. So, I called my doctor and made an appointment. My plan was to get on some good antidepressants. I went in for the appointment and for some reason (God) they had scheduled me with my old midwife. She could not prescribe an antidepressant, but she did notice that my vitamin D test taken a year earlier showed that my vitamin D was very low. She asked if I was taking a supplement.
Nope. I hate taking pills of any kind.
She then informed me that low vitamin D can directly affect depression and anxiety. It also, can increase my risk of dying from any number of cancers. So, she said, the first step might be to start taking a minimum of 1000 iu's a day. That seemed like a large dose to me since the multivitamin collecting dust in my cabinet only had 400 iu's of vitamin D and said that was 100% of the recommended daily allowance. She said, actually, I could take as much as 4000 iu's a day. Wow, I had no idea!
Taking a vitamin D supplement sounded a lot better to me than taking an antidepressant or anti anxiety medicine. So, I went over to my local grocery store and in the health food section I found a fabulous chewable vitamin D supplement made by Rainbow Light called Sunny Gummies. Yum! They taste like sugary, lemony, gummy bears filled with sunshine. Each delicious drop of sunshine contains 1000iu's of vitamin D. It couldn't hurt to double up, so I take 2000iu's per day now.
As it turns out, that was a life changing decision. Within a week I was feeling noticeably lighter, happier, less grumpy and stressed. I was able to react more appropriately to stressful situations and my attitude toward my husband and children was much better. All that within a week. Within two weeks I literally felt like I had woken up from a long, foggy sleep. It had been years since I had felt that good.
During that time, I also purchased a juicing machine. I had read that drinking fresh fruit and vegetable juice on a regular basis is really good for you. Juicing breaks down the cell walls of the fruit or vegetable making its vitamins and nutrients easier for our bodies to absorb.
After juicing for a few days, I felt energized. I wasn't as hungry throughout the day, and was sleeping better at night.
Another unexpected bonus that came about from these two small changes was that my monthly cycle lengthened. Right away! The very first month it was 27 days! The second month it was 25 days. That is amazing. I've never had cycles that long. In addition, my PMS is markedly reduced. I still feel a little down a few days before I start, but that's it. Sounds good to me!
A couple of weeks after I started taking Vitamin D and juicing, my friend Lainie told me that she had found someone to get raw milk and organic eggs from. Hm, I was intrigued. At that time, I was already reading Traditional Foods Are Your Best Medicine by Ronald F. Schmid, N.D. It had opened my eyes to the fact that pretty much everything I ate was contributing to my depression, anxiety, yo-yo weight, allergies, illnesses, acne and poor vision. Specifically, the lack of good quality fat, protein, veggies, and grains was the problem. What jumped out at me, was that it said I should be drinking only Raw Whole Milk and dairy products made from Raw Whole Milk.
Wow. Wouldn't I get really, really fat? Would I have a heart attack? I've been told my entire life that whole milk is the enemy. The idea of raw milk wasn't a new one to me. I had considered that before, but not whole milk.
This was going to take a major paradigm shift. After talking to my husband about it and receiving a shrug and an "ok" from him, I began buying raw milk and organic eggs from the farm. It took a few days for my family to adjust to the different flavor and texture. My middle daughter went on a bit of a milk strike for a couple of weeks. However, now we LOVE raw whole milk. Whenever we run out and have to buy pasteurized milk at the store, everyone notices the difference and says they miss the farm milk.
Yay!
We are on the road to health!
Kim
Friday, April 17, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Grace
A few weeks ago, I was chatting with my good friend Lainie about the kids, food, God, and life. I was sharing with her how Winnie is a rule follower and does what she is told...most of the time. She doesn't cause a lot of problems and in general is a joy to be around. She wants to please others, and likes to do things to help out. As far as our children go, she's been the easiest to raise, so far. I hadn't really thought about how I should pray for her.
My wise friend Lainie pointed out that, when I pray for Winnie, I should keep in mind that she may struggle with Grace.
That insight has been on my mind ever since.
Winnie is a lot like me. I'm a people pleaser, rule follower, hard worker, do what I'm told, kinda girl. I struggle with Grace. I struggle with believing that God's Grace truly does include and extend to me. I am so hard on myself, and I can see that Winnie and Roo too, are also very hard on themselves. I know first hand, the pain and happiness that comes from being a rule follower, list maker, task master. I know where I excel, and where I fall short.
God gave me beautiful, intelligent, amazing girls... who are like me. I now know exactly how to pray for them.
Blessings,
Kim
My wise friend Lainie pointed out that, when I pray for Winnie, I should keep in mind that she may struggle with Grace.
That insight has been on my mind ever since.
Winnie is a lot like me. I'm a people pleaser, rule follower, hard worker, do what I'm told, kinda girl. I struggle with Grace. I struggle with believing that God's Grace truly does include and extend to me. I am so hard on myself, and I can see that Winnie and Roo too, are also very hard on themselves. I know first hand, the pain and happiness that comes from being a rule follower, list maker, task master. I know where I excel, and where I fall short.
God gave me beautiful, intelligent, amazing girls... who are like me. I now know exactly how to pray for them.
Blessings,
Kim
The Kim Chronicles-A journey from Depression and Anxiety to Health and Happiness- Part 1
Before I begin my story, here is a snapshot of what my diet has looked like for most of my life.
Skim, store brand milk
Margarine
White Flour
Table salt
Refined sugar
Sweet n low
Fat Free coffee creamer
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee
Processed Cheese, and processed foods in general
Reduced fat Breads
Bagels
Honey Nut Cheerios,
Oatmeal
Fruit and Veggies (not organic)
Chicken, ground beef, pork and a teeny bit of fish (not organic)
Coffee, big time!
Cookies, brownies, and Ice cream
This isn't everything I ate, but I think it provides a good picture. Now, here is my story.
**********************************************************************************
When I sit back and try to pinpoint when I began feeling depressed, I have to go back many, many years. With difficulty, I struggle to remember a time when I didn't feel a little depressed or anxious from time to time. I know I felt that way in high school, and middle school and the later part of elementary school. However, before fourth grade, I don't recall feeling this way.
Fourth grade stands out because that was the year my family moved to a new town. I was devastated. It took me such a long time to adjust, make new friends, and fit in. It was during this time that I began to feel depressed and anxious. It was also the summer after fourth grade that I began to menstruate. I was 9.
To my parents and friends, I don't think I appeared depressed or anxious. Especially not when I was young. Then in high school, my moodiness was just chalked up to hormones and the stress that CAN BE the high school experience. I was a cheerleader, involved in drama and singing, ran track and maintained a low B average all the way through high school. I was a pretty good kid. I rarely got into trouble and tried to do the right thing. However, I was constantly in fear. Fear of letting my parents down, my teachers down, my friends down, not being good enough, pretty enough, popular enough; fear controlled my life. My close group of friends were all very outgoing, smart, confident, funny girls. I didn't always feel like I fit in, but I tried not to let it show. My primary objective was to be liked.
College was the same way. Depression and anxiety were a major part of my life. Chronic dieting and a poor self image were also a big part of who I was. Again, I'm sure if you asked my friends and family what they thought of me back then, they would describe an outgoing, friendly, health conscious person who cared about others. Inside though, I was very insecure, unsure of myself and my decisions, and battling with the fear of letting others down.
After college, I got married and we moved to Coeur d'Alene, Idano to start our lives together. As exciting as that was, it was also very stressful. I found it incredibly difficult to make new friends and relied heavily upon my sister-in-law, who lived in the town we moved to, for support and friendship. I felt isolated and unsure of who I was. During the long, cold, snowy winters I was depressed and gained weight. Then spring would come and I'd be ecstatic and diet and exercise to lose the 10 pounds or so that I had gained.
I was told I had "seasonal depression" and my doctor offered to prescribe an anti anxiety medicine. I decided not to take him up on that. I had always been opposed to taking medication and felt that I needed to just muscle my way through it. Besides, as long as I could exercise regularly, I was fine. I also didn't see myself as depressed. It's funny because when I think back on those years now, I think of them as some of the best years of my life. I tend to gloss over and forget this struggle that was going on in the background.
During our second year in Idaho, we decided to have a baby. We got pregnant easily, and my pregnancy went well. Nine months later I delivered an 8lb 14 oz bouncing baby girl. It was a wonderful time. And yet, it was also during this time that my depression and anxiety became more than I could handle. My darling girl was colicky, and had a huge appetite. As she grew, she developed a very serious disposition and suffered from chronic ear infections throughout her first year of life. Lack of sleep, maintaining a full time work schedule, and taking care of a fussy baby was taking it's toll on me.
To regain some sense of control, I exercised a lot, ate an extremely low fat, bland diet, took diet pills and did all I could to get back to my pre-pregnancy body. My husband and I also started attending church during this time. As wonderful as that was, it was also stressful for me because I was forced to meet new people. I was again the "new girl" and on the outside looking in. It was terrifying. Thankfully, I had one good friend who went to that church. I depended on her for support. I hated not being more in control of my situation, but I was frozen by the fear of rejection. Irrational as it was, it was very real to me at the time.
I did my best not to let on that I was struggling. I volunteered at church, my husband and I went on retreats with the young married's group, I even did a class on how to be more organized (which I felt completely unqualified to do). We eventually made friends and felt as though Couer d'Alene was home. Then after almost 5 years, my parents moved to Portland, OR and we felt God telling us that the time had come to live closer to family. So, in just 2 months time, we packed up our belongings, put our house on the market and moved to Portland.
This move wasn't as dramatic because we were moving someplace where we already new some people. We had friends who lived here, in addition to my parents, so the risk was minimal. Even still, the first year, was terribly stressful. We were living in a tiny apartment, paying rent and paying our housepayment because our home in Idaho didn't sell. It took over 6 months for our home to sell. I know in today's market that isn't very long, but back in 2000 it seemed like forever.
I was still a chronic dieter. Trying to cut calories, reduce my fat, exercise more and eat less was a way of life for me. I was irritable, stressed out, my skin looked terrible, my hair was thin. My husband and I both look back at this first year in Portland as the most difficult year in our marriage. Our daughter was 2 1/2 and extremely strong willed. She was in trouble at day care all the time, and driving us crazy at home. We had a difficult time finding a new church home, so during the first year we were church shopping. Trying someplace new out every few weeks. I'm pretty friendly and outgoing, but this was still difficult for me.
A year later, we had sold our Idaho house, purchased a new home in the Portland area, found our new church and were settling in. I was dancing in a professional clog dancing group with my mom and 3 other women and having the time of my life. I was fit, but still dieting, and taking metabolism boosters, cutting fat and calories as much as possible. During this time, we were also trying to get pregnant again. It took us five years to get pregnant. I had 1 miscarriage, and was on Clomid for a total of 6 months. We eventually were able to get pregnant through the use of injectibles and IUI. Throughout this ordeal, I went through periods of feeling hopeful and excited, to feeling completely inadequate as a woman, wife and mother. The medications I took effected me physically and emotionally. Each month that ended without me being pregnant caused a cycle of depression, followed by the anxiety of waiting through another month of medicine and tests. This went on and on. Finally, we got that + sign on the pregnancy test! We were so happy. Our daughter was going to have a sibling! Happy, happy, happy.
I was 10 weeks pregnant when we went on a weekend family camping trip with my parents, their friends, and my brother and his wife. It was a fun weekend. We played games, played in the water, the men all went fishing, my oldest got to ride a jet ski with her Aunt and Uncle. It was great. As we were driving home, we all stopped at a rest stop before heading our separate ways. We said our last goodbyes to everyone, hopped in the car and headed home. I only got to say a quick goodbye to my dad because he was busy with the trailer, so he called us on the way home from his cell phone. He and I laughed and talked about the fun weekend. We played the alphabet game that we used to play during road trips when I was a kid. It was nice. I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me, and we said goodbye.
The next day was Monday. After work, I was laying on my bed trying to cool off. It was late June and the first of many hot days was upon us. The phone rang and I let my husband get it. he quickly handed me the phone with a puzzled look on his face. He said it was someone calling from my grandpa's house saying there was a medical emergency. I immediately thought something had happened to my grandpa. He was dying from cancer.
However, the voice on the phone said that my Dad had had a medical emergency and I needed to come right away. I was confused and in a daze and said I would be right there. My husband helped me with my shoes and I began the 20 minute drive to my grandpa's house. As I drove I prayed and I was filled with an increasing sense of urgency. I drove way too fast, and tried to remember to breath.
As I approached my grandparents neighborhood, I could see the glow of red lights even before I turned the corner. There was an ambulance, a fire truck and cars scattered everywhere. I screeched to a halt and got out of the car. As I turned to walk toward the house, a paramedic came quickly up to me, put her hands on my shoulders and told me that my dad had died.
What followed were days, weeks and months of visitors, crying, sleepless nights, trying to take care of my mom, myself, my husband, my daughter, my growing baby and trying to figure out what a normal life was without the presence of my dad.
Were depression and anxiety a part of my life during this period? You bet they were. It got so bad that I considered going on antidepressant/anti anxiety medication while I was pregnant. Again, I opted not to for fear of the affect on the baby and the fact that I would feel like a failure if I had to take medication.
After I had my second daughter I struggled with nursing, mourning my dad. I had post partum depression. I eventually did begin taking Lexapro for anxiety. It seemed to help, but after a few months I went off of it. The side effects were too much for me and my husband.
As time passed, I was able to regain some of my coping skills and was able to truly enjoy my new baby girl and my oldest daughter. We bought a new house, moved, and were just getting settled in when we received a surprise. We were expecting again.
We were shocked. This was not planned. It took us a little while to adjust to the news. Gradually we became happy and excited about our newest child coming into the world. We knew that this was just what God wanted for us. Our 3rd daughter was born 18 months after our 2nd daughter. Two under two. Pretty exciting.
Also, pretty stressful. Since that time, my husband and I have struggled in our marriage. There was a lot of tension between us and communication had broken down to the extent that we only spoke when it was about the kids or out of necessity. We didn't fight much, we just coexisted. I was very unhappy and would nag him and snip at him and the kids. There were good times too, but it felt like they didn't make up for all of the tension.
I figured that this was just a season in our marriage that we would have to get through and that once the kids got older we would be fine. However, as time went on, God placed in my heart a sense of urgency and an awareness that I needed to wake up and pay attention to my spouse and my kids.
Kim
Skim, store brand milk
Margarine
White Flour
Table salt
Refined sugar
Sweet n low
Fat Free coffee creamer
Coffee, Coffee, Coffee
Processed Cheese, and processed foods in general
Reduced fat Breads
Bagels
Honey Nut Cheerios,
Oatmeal
Fruit and Veggies (not organic)
Chicken, ground beef, pork and a teeny bit of fish (not organic)
Coffee, big time!
Cookies, brownies, and Ice cream
This isn't everything I ate, but I think it provides a good picture. Now, here is my story.
**********************************************************************************
When I sit back and try to pinpoint when I began feeling depressed, I have to go back many, many years. With difficulty, I struggle to remember a time when I didn't feel a little depressed or anxious from time to time. I know I felt that way in high school, and middle school and the later part of elementary school. However, before fourth grade, I don't recall feeling this way.
Fourth grade stands out because that was the year my family moved to a new town. I was devastated. It took me such a long time to adjust, make new friends, and fit in. It was during this time that I began to feel depressed and anxious. It was also the summer after fourth grade that I began to menstruate. I was 9.
To my parents and friends, I don't think I appeared depressed or anxious. Especially not when I was young. Then in high school, my moodiness was just chalked up to hormones and the stress that CAN BE the high school experience. I was a cheerleader, involved in drama and singing, ran track and maintained a low B average all the way through high school. I was a pretty good kid. I rarely got into trouble and tried to do the right thing. However, I was constantly in fear. Fear of letting my parents down, my teachers down, my friends down, not being good enough, pretty enough, popular enough; fear controlled my life. My close group of friends were all very outgoing, smart, confident, funny girls. I didn't always feel like I fit in, but I tried not to let it show. My primary objective was to be liked.
College was the same way. Depression and anxiety were a major part of my life. Chronic dieting and a poor self image were also a big part of who I was. Again, I'm sure if you asked my friends and family what they thought of me back then, they would describe an outgoing, friendly, health conscious person who cared about others. Inside though, I was very insecure, unsure of myself and my decisions, and battling with the fear of letting others down.
After college, I got married and we moved to Coeur d'Alene, Idano to start our lives together. As exciting as that was, it was also very stressful. I found it incredibly difficult to make new friends and relied heavily upon my sister-in-law, who lived in the town we moved to, for support and friendship. I felt isolated and unsure of who I was. During the long, cold, snowy winters I was depressed and gained weight. Then spring would come and I'd be ecstatic and diet and exercise to lose the 10 pounds or so that I had gained.
I was told I had "seasonal depression" and my doctor offered to prescribe an anti anxiety medicine. I decided not to take him up on that. I had always been opposed to taking medication and felt that I needed to just muscle my way through it. Besides, as long as I could exercise regularly, I was fine. I also didn't see myself as depressed. It's funny because when I think back on those years now, I think of them as some of the best years of my life. I tend to gloss over and forget this struggle that was going on in the background.
During our second year in Idaho, we decided to have a baby. We got pregnant easily, and my pregnancy went well. Nine months later I delivered an 8lb 14 oz bouncing baby girl. It was a wonderful time. And yet, it was also during this time that my depression and anxiety became more than I could handle. My darling girl was colicky, and had a huge appetite. As she grew, she developed a very serious disposition and suffered from chronic ear infections throughout her first year of life. Lack of sleep, maintaining a full time work schedule, and taking care of a fussy baby was taking it's toll on me.
To regain some sense of control, I exercised a lot, ate an extremely low fat, bland diet, took diet pills and did all I could to get back to my pre-pregnancy body. My husband and I also started attending church during this time. As wonderful as that was, it was also stressful for me because I was forced to meet new people. I was again the "new girl" and on the outside looking in. It was terrifying. Thankfully, I had one good friend who went to that church. I depended on her for support. I hated not being more in control of my situation, but I was frozen by the fear of rejection. Irrational as it was, it was very real to me at the time.
I did my best not to let on that I was struggling. I volunteered at church, my husband and I went on retreats with the young married's group, I even did a class on how to be more organized (which I felt completely unqualified to do). We eventually made friends and felt as though Couer d'Alene was home. Then after almost 5 years, my parents moved to Portland, OR and we felt God telling us that the time had come to live closer to family. So, in just 2 months time, we packed up our belongings, put our house on the market and moved to Portland.
This move wasn't as dramatic because we were moving someplace where we already new some people. We had friends who lived here, in addition to my parents, so the risk was minimal. Even still, the first year, was terribly stressful. We were living in a tiny apartment, paying rent and paying our housepayment because our home in Idaho didn't sell. It took over 6 months for our home to sell. I know in today's market that isn't very long, but back in 2000 it seemed like forever.
I was still a chronic dieter. Trying to cut calories, reduce my fat, exercise more and eat less was a way of life for me. I was irritable, stressed out, my skin looked terrible, my hair was thin. My husband and I both look back at this first year in Portland as the most difficult year in our marriage. Our daughter was 2 1/2 and extremely strong willed. She was in trouble at day care all the time, and driving us crazy at home. We had a difficult time finding a new church home, so during the first year we were church shopping. Trying someplace new out every few weeks. I'm pretty friendly and outgoing, but this was still difficult for me.
A year later, we had sold our Idaho house, purchased a new home in the Portland area, found our new church and were settling in. I was dancing in a professional clog dancing group with my mom and 3 other women and having the time of my life. I was fit, but still dieting, and taking metabolism boosters, cutting fat and calories as much as possible. During this time, we were also trying to get pregnant again. It took us five years to get pregnant. I had 1 miscarriage, and was on Clomid for a total of 6 months. We eventually were able to get pregnant through the use of injectibles and IUI. Throughout this ordeal, I went through periods of feeling hopeful and excited, to feeling completely inadequate as a woman, wife and mother. The medications I took effected me physically and emotionally. Each month that ended without me being pregnant caused a cycle of depression, followed by the anxiety of waiting through another month of medicine and tests. This went on and on. Finally, we got that + sign on the pregnancy test! We were so happy. Our daughter was going to have a sibling! Happy, happy, happy.
I was 10 weeks pregnant when we went on a weekend family camping trip with my parents, their friends, and my brother and his wife. It was a fun weekend. We played games, played in the water, the men all went fishing, my oldest got to ride a jet ski with her Aunt and Uncle. It was great. As we were driving home, we all stopped at a rest stop before heading our separate ways. We said our last goodbyes to everyone, hopped in the car and headed home. I only got to say a quick goodbye to my dad because he was busy with the trailer, so he called us on the way home from his cell phone. He and I laughed and talked about the fun weekend. We played the alphabet game that we used to play during road trips when I was a kid. It was nice. I told him I loved him and he told me he loved me, and we said goodbye.
The next day was Monday. After work, I was laying on my bed trying to cool off. It was late June and the first of many hot days was upon us. The phone rang and I let my husband get it. he quickly handed me the phone with a puzzled look on his face. He said it was someone calling from my grandpa's house saying there was a medical emergency. I immediately thought something had happened to my grandpa. He was dying from cancer.
However, the voice on the phone said that my Dad had had a medical emergency and I needed to come right away. I was confused and in a daze and said I would be right there. My husband helped me with my shoes and I began the 20 minute drive to my grandpa's house. As I drove I prayed and I was filled with an increasing sense of urgency. I drove way too fast, and tried to remember to breath.
As I approached my grandparents neighborhood, I could see the glow of red lights even before I turned the corner. There was an ambulance, a fire truck and cars scattered everywhere. I screeched to a halt and got out of the car. As I turned to walk toward the house, a paramedic came quickly up to me, put her hands on my shoulders and told me that my dad had died.
What followed were days, weeks and months of visitors, crying, sleepless nights, trying to take care of my mom, myself, my husband, my daughter, my growing baby and trying to figure out what a normal life was without the presence of my dad.
Were depression and anxiety a part of my life during this period? You bet they were. It got so bad that I considered going on antidepressant/anti anxiety medication while I was pregnant. Again, I opted not to for fear of the affect on the baby and the fact that I would feel like a failure if I had to take medication.
After I had my second daughter I struggled with nursing, mourning my dad. I had post partum depression. I eventually did begin taking Lexapro for anxiety. It seemed to help, but after a few months I went off of it. The side effects were too much for me and my husband.
As time passed, I was able to regain some of my coping skills and was able to truly enjoy my new baby girl and my oldest daughter. We bought a new house, moved, and were just getting settled in when we received a surprise. We were expecting again.
We were shocked. This was not planned. It took us a little while to adjust to the news. Gradually we became happy and excited about our newest child coming into the world. We knew that this was just what God wanted for us. Our 3rd daughter was born 18 months after our 2nd daughter. Two under two. Pretty exciting.
Also, pretty stressful. Since that time, my husband and I have struggled in our marriage. There was a lot of tension between us and communication had broken down to the extent that we only spoke when it was about the kids or out of necessity. We didn't fight much, we just coexisted. I was very unhappy and would nag him and snip at him and the kids. There were good times too, but it felt like they didn't make up for all of the tension.
I figured that this was just a season in our marriage that we would have to get through and that once the kids got older we would be fine. However, as time went on, God placed in my heart a sense of urgency and an awareness that I needed to wake up and pay attention to my spouse and my kids.
Kim
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Resurrection Day!
Today is Easter. Children everywhere colored and hunted for eggs. Many went to church for the first time. Some did not go to church, but instead went to family and friends homes to share a meal and fellowship.
Today, we celebrated Jesus death and subsequent rise from the grave. With enthusiasm and joy we spent time together as a family with our church family and then went to my grandmother's home and spent the afternoon with my Grandma, Mom, Step Dad, and Mother-in-law. We ate good food, laughed, prayed and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.
I believe this is the first year that we did not mention the Easter Bunny. We put out baskets and colored eggs. We had a little hunt at my Grandma's house. However, the girls knew that it was mom or dad, grandma or grandpa who hid the eggs and gave them their little Easter gifts. It was truly refreshing to be real with them. The cards they received from us talked about celebrating the gift of salvation and forgiveness that God gave us through Jesus Christ on this day. They ate candy, ran around like crazy wild things, and had a total blast.
We prayed for our family and friends that we didn't get to see today. You were in our thoughts and we hope that your day was blessed and full of the joy, happiness and love.
In Him,
Kim
Today, we celebrated Jesus death and subsequent rise from the grave. With enthusiasm and joy we spent time together as a family with our church family and then went to my grandmother's home and spent the afternoon with my Grandma, Mom, Step Dad, and Mother-in-law. We ate good food, laughed, prayed and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company.
I believe this is the first year that we did not mention the Easter Bunny. We put out baskets and colored eggs. We had a little hunt at my Grandma's house. However, the girls knew that it was mom or dad, grandma or grandpa who hid the eggs and gave them their little Easter gifts. It was truly refreshing to be real with them. The cards they received from us talked about celebrating the gift of salvation and forgiveness that God gave us through Jesus Christ on this day. They ate candy, ran around like crazy wild things, and had a total blast.
We prayed for our family and friends that we didn't get to see today. You were in our thoughts and we hope that your day was blessed and full of the joy, happiness and love.
In Him,
Kim
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